I have experienced emotions with my Beloved that makes language meaningless and impotent in its ability to describe even a fraction of what I feel. Before I met the love of my life, we had both forged such tangible progress in our mutual spiritual evolutions, spinning in our respective universes, unattached, enjoying the moments that flitted in and out of our vision simply because neither of us knew any other choice. Our worlds were of our own creation, and within them, we found joy.
That, I believe, is a prerequisite for knowing ‘true love’ when it finds its way to you.
But I think most are too fearful, too dishonest with the world around them and especially with themselves to know the space in which true love can flourish in ways we could never imagine until we find ourselves experiencing them. People are usually too busy applying their own biases, desires, and filters to what they believe a deeply loving and committed relationship should look like and feel like, to allow something as beautiful as a deeply loving, committed, and lifelong relationship to materialize.
In my and my Beloved’s world, the very act of freeing each other to be all we can be could possibly be enough. But when we love each other for exactly who the other is while embracing and encouraging each other to shine as brightly as we can as well; is integral understanding what it means to know true love. It’s such an undeniable, passionate connection that compels me to be more than I thought I could be on my own, and it inspires me to be everything my partner wishes for.
I’ve never wanted to allow so much space for my partner to be exactly who they are, I’ve never found my partner’s quirks and unique habits so endearing, and seeing this reaction in myself is one of the truest indicators of how much this love means to me. I find myself with a deep desire to see her happy, truly happy in her life and her world, and I want to do nothing that would impede her in any way whatsoever, even if it meant her not having me in her life.
I know, beyond any shadow of any doubt, that I would never betray my partner, and I know the same is true for her. That alone, is an incredibly precious gift that allows each of us to tuck our fears away, safely hidden in each other’s arms, freeing both of us to seek joy in our lives and in each other. This also frees us to be completely open and honest with each other, regardless of circumstance, while allowing us to argue without fear; one of the greatest gifts we can give each other.
And it also is because of these moments where the world seems so perfect and complete, that I want to scream so loudly that my throat tears into a million burning pieces, or shred apart every last remnant of this body, destroying every last cell that binds me to this sensation. With it comes a joyous, agonizing intensity that threatens to dissolve any fleck of lucidity that might remain. In that is the excruciatingly intense desire to somehow let everyone know that these moments exist; that they are real beyond their wildest imaginings, that they are not only palpable, but that, as Rumi said; ‘just one breath from this lover truly could scatter this insignificant universe like grains of sand.’
And all this is truly what I dream of knowing for myself with another.